M’sian Shares How Her BF Refuses to Allow Their Future Child’s Name to Include Her Surname, Seeks Advice

When it comes to relationships, there is plenty of factors which could make or break the relationship. Some of the most important things to clarify with your partner is whether or not your partner wants to get married, have children and so on.

If you or your partner disagree on one of these factors, it could put a sudden end to the relationship.

Recently, a WORLD OF BUZZ reader sent in her dilemma to us as she is seeking advice from Malaysians on whether or not she is in the wrong. 

Jane Majid (name changed to protect privacy) told WOB that she had just gotten into an argument with her boyfriend who she has been with for on and off 13 years.

 

Her boyfriend, Dan Joseph (name changed to protect privacy) is 29-years-old while she is 30.

According to Jane, when she told Dan that she would like to have their future child’s last name hyphenated, but much to her surprise, he said that he is only willing to allow it on the condition that she can never be a housewife.

“So in his mind, the child should only carry his name as the surname because it is foreseeable that he would be the one expected to be the sole breadwinner of the family at some point.”

However, Jane said that during all of their discussions on marriage/wedding/house purchase, the agreement is for them to share all expenses equally, for the wedding and the purchase of their first house.

“Meaning, he wants us to name our child (whenever we have one) on the mere POSSIBILITY that one day he might earn enough to support the entire family and I can choose to be a housewife if I want to,” she explained.

 

When she further pressed him on it and asked him what if she agrees to never be a housewife and they name their kid with a hyphenated last name and then one day she were to quit her job, he responded by asking her to draw up a contract, which he will sign.

“Oh so what if we enter into the agreement and yet I still quit my job one day? He looked at me and said, ‘I will sue you in Court and get a court order  that you can never stop working‘. All this was said all because I want my child to have my last name as part of his/her last name.”

According to Jane, the reason why he is refusing to allow their child to have her last name as well is because the norm is that children take the father’s last name means the father is bearing the responsibility in taking care of the family, working and supporting the family and that if she wants to hyphenate, she must accept half the responsibility that comes with it.

 

“His exact sentence was ‘I told you no, cause if you want then you need to be putting (in for) everything half half till the end’ and ‘You want put half half (hyphenate) okay, But need everything be half half’. And, that allowing me to hyphenate the child’s last name is him having to ‘give up my life long dream of creating the Joseph family’,” she added.

Jane said that she truly doesn’t see herself staying with him anymore.

“This patriarchal archaic, egoistical and chauvinistic practice needs to STOP.”

“I have not had a child, might not even be able to have a child for all we know, but especially to the new and upcoming mothers out there, who carries the baby inside them for 9 months, suffering, WHY SHOULDN’T THE CHILD ALSO SHARE THEIR LAST NAME?”

Jane is seeking the public’s advice on the matter and to see if whether or not she is being unreasonable to ask for something as simple as to have a shared last name for their future child.

 

What do you think of the matter? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section.

 

Also read: “Because he can tahan my attitude” – M’sians Share How They Know Their Partners Are THE ONE