Being a part of a polyamorous family can be a difficult situation as many aspects can cause jealousy if it’s not done right.
Now, a grown up daughter of a polyamorous family in Malaysia is feeling regretful and guilty after causing their father pain by forcing him to give up his first wife.
Taking to the SecretsMY Twitter page, she anonymously shared further details into this.
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She wrote, “I could never forgive myself for being the reason my father let go of his first wife.”
“How do I start, well, when I was 13-years-old, I fought with my dad because he had 2 wives (I am the child of his second wife), I fought badly with my own father. This was because I didn’t like that he had 2 wives. He didn’t pay full attention to my mother and in a week, he would go back to the other house at least 3 times.”
At that time, she also had a false belief that her mother was the first wife, instead of the second wife.
Only when she was 16-years-old did she get a better understanding of her father’s relationship with his first wife.
Her father only married a second wife because his first wife could not get pregnant.
“My dad’s first wife (aka my stepmother) was his first love. His classmate, his first girlfriend, his sweetheart, his first crush. They were so excited, they got married and planned to have a family of their own.”
“Unfortunately, my stepmother could not get pregnant. She got into depression. My dad, on the other hand, was forced to marry another wife to give a grandchild to his parents. So, my mum became the second wife,” she explained.
Despite not being her biological mother, the first wife did everything she could to make peace but to no avail.
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“My stepmother tried everything she could to make me love her or at least accept her. But, I hated her. I couldn’t look at her face. It was to a point where she was willing to distance herself from me, my mother and my father.”
“Because I hated her and my father didn’t pay much attention to her, she got into depression and developed eating disorders until she had to be admitted into a psychiatric ward. My father let her go because I forced him to.”
She told her father that if he loves his second wife, he should let the first wife go as the second wife and his child should be more important.
Following that, she was happy as her father and the first wife ended up getting a divorce.
But, things only went downhill from there.
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“One night, after everyone went to sleep, I came downstairs to get myself some water. I saw my father having a breakdown. For the first time in my life, I saw my father cry horribly until he was out of breath. He kept saying, ‘I never wanted to let you go‘ again and again while holding her (first wife’s) pictures and her necklace.”
“My father sobbed desperately but my mother forbid my father to go see her or visit her at the hospital,” she added.
Now that she has grown up, she understands the pain that she caused.
“I keep thinking, for sure while she was at the hospital, she really needed support and she needed a lot of love. Sometimes, I cried as I wonder, what if that happens to me? Ya Allah, the pain,”
“Mama, abah, I’m really sorry.”
We truly feel heartbroken for both the father and the first wife, and also for the daughter as she ponders her past actions. We genuinely hope that the family heals from this.
What do you think about this? Do feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.
