Growing up as the fat kid in Malaysia had always been difficult. Insults and jokes were always about how fat someone was – how big they were, how slow they were, how much they eat, etc.
One particular girl by the name of Jessy Lee definitely suffered the immense teasing from her peers and even from her own family sometimes.
She shared her story with World of Buzz in hopes that readers will not give up hope in having self-love. She wrote,
“I was a fat kid, running on 28-inches pants and L size shirt. I still remember the days where I was publicly scolded for needing to buy an extra inch larger pant which cost more.”
“I had nicknames like ‘hamburger’ and ‘sei fei poh‘ (fat lady) at the age of 12. It caused me to have phobia towards the supposedly children’s favorite fast food.”
But of course, it wasn’t just her mental health that was at stake. Her size also directly affected her physical well-being.
“I grew up having scoliosis. I was shorter than usual, fatter than my peers.”
Scoliosis is a deformed spinal shape where the back bone is not straight, causing people with this illness to have backaches and, indirectly, other types of muscle and joint problems.
“I felt like the world despised me because of how I look and I never got the opportunities I deserve. It was never an equal treatment between beauties and beasts.”
“I tried pleasing the world and went on an intense routine. I woke up at 5.30 AM for training, went to class at noon, ate less and in worst case scenario, I reached home at 9.00 PM. I was 13 years old. I shed weight successfully though. Everyone was literally mouth-open when they saw me.”
Of course, with such a change, people would start to worry too.
“Then they started querying if I had a disease, was I sick, was it malnutrition. Oh my, the words of your closest family members can sometimes really kill you from inside out.”
“By 22, I lost myself. I felt like I’ve been living for society’s judgement, to be in the limelight, to get praises. I questioned if I wanted to look slim and fit as it is what deemed right by the society; or was it for myself?”
“During my final year in university, I picked up my pace in academics, gave up all my fitness regime and yes, soon enough, my weight bounced back.”
“Surely, those noises came back. I got critiqued of being fat again. Only without the nicknames, I was questioned why were my arms flabby, why did I had tummy and etc.”
Jessy believes that it is because of the harsh and irresponsible remarks from society that caused such eating disorders to exist. Who doesn’t have a tummy right?
She finally had enough of how society was controlling how she should look. She wanted to to be herself and look how she wanted to look. So she asked herself,
“Do I want to look fat and unhealthy?”
“No.”
For a short phase, Jessy was rebelling against the masses by wanting to become fat. She just wanted to prove her point that everyone should have the right to not be judged.
Not too long after though, she went back to her fitness regime which she has continued doing up to today.
“I found my purpose and know what I love. I’m living beyond the society’s judgement and I’m not letting them back in. I look perfectly fine now and screw whoever that thinks otherwise because after all, you can’t please everyone.”
“I understood what I did rather than just blindly doing it to look good. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I enjoyed dancing and I want to be able to flatter those dresses. It was clear, it was my personal expectation.”
“And no, I do not expect others to do or look the same as I do now. I put in a hell lot of effort to be where I am now and just because some of them doesn’t, it does not mean they should.”
“Keep your judgement to yourself and let others live their life.”
Being judgemental has never brought much good. In fact, it only hurts people. So don’t be mean okay.
You know the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
– Contributed exclusively to World of Buzz by Jessy Lee
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