Growing up, we look at teachers, tutors, authorities and more as the people we respect. So, it’s shocking when there are cases of these people taking advantage of our trust and doing one of the worst things imaginable.
Sarah shared with us her traumatising encounter with her driving instructor when she was just 18 years old. She recounts…
I was wearing my dad’s T-shirt and a pair of sports leggings on the day it happened. I had a 4 hour driving class with him that day, and we were quite friendly with each other – having talked many times beforehand over a couple sticks of cigarettes.
I had been driving continuously on the road for 2 hours before he told me to pull over to a nearby 7-eleven to buy some drinks. He asked me if I needed a break and I nodded, this led to him directing me to a nearby park. Upon reaching, I realised the park was completely isolated; but I thought nothing of it then.
We made a bit of small talk before he started venting about his love life, which he had done so before. What started out as innocent frustration turned into an outlet for his sexual escapades, roughly translating to “I love it when I lick her and she squirts for me.”
Source: Nanyang Chronicle
What ensued was an uncomfortable silence, where he took the opportunity to hold and sniff me. I was visibly shocked, but before I could say anything, he started groping me all over whilst saying things like “I miss her so much, but this’ll do” and “every girls’ tits feels the same to me” or even asking me “are you shaven or hairy?” while he traced his hands against my vagina.
I was disgusted and wanted to tell him to get off me, but I couldn’t muster the words while I fought back my tears. My body was still and it felt like I couldn’t do anything but panic. After what felt like decades, I let out a feeble ‘balik la’ which he agreed to, though his hands never left my body.
I started sobbing the moment I got out of the driving centre, only then did I fully register what happened to me. I went back home and cried, what followed was anger and disgust directed at myself for letting him violate me like that. All I could think about was why I didn’t try to resist, and until now, I still don’t have the answer.
It was extremely difficult telling the people I loved about it, and having to decide what I wanted to do afterwards. My parents coaxed me into reporting to the police; it was hell on earth, having to sit in that small office, retelling the course of events and having to retrace the whole path I drove while it happened, knowing full well that no proper justice was ever going to be served, that no matter what I did, he wasn’t going to be convicted.
I sobbed every night for weeks afterwards, going into a cycle of victim blaming and telling myself that if I had told him to stop, something worse might’ve happened. To this day, he still appears in my nightmares. I don’t wear leggings anymore, knowing that he ‘can’t control himself when he sees me in those tight pants’. All I can do now is find solace in the fact that I’m learning to forgive myself for what happened.
This story is exclusively contributed to WORLD OF BUZZ by Sarah.
Have you experienced sexual assault or violence? Or would you like to delve deeper into the topic?
Neo SPICE Co. & Se(sh) is hosting a half-day event consisting of open sharing, panel discussions, reflection sessions, poetry readings and activities centred around creating awareness on sexual harassment and sexual violence.
The event will cover what sexual harassment is, and the panel discussion will focus on how it impacts a person. These safe space sessions and reflective sessions will take a more personal outlook on the issue in Malaysia, learning how others have coped and healed from it, and what we can do to become an ally for this cause.
If you’re a victim of sexual harassment or assault, or would like to support the cause and advocate the issue for a better Malaysia, you can fill in the form here.
Neo SPICE Co. is a collective of inspired individuals coming together through experiences by sharing stories & thoughts that build a supportive & empowered community. They want to reshape, reinvent & redefine perspectives & topics that are neglected, but important.