Malaysia is a multiracial country where we routine revolves around mingling with people from different races and religions on a daily basis. Hence, it is also normal for us to fall in love with and marry someone of a different race.
And while we might choose to see beyond race and skin colour, our families, especially those with more old-fashioned mindsets, might not feel the same.
A Malay woman took to the pel calico lover Twitter page to anonymously share how she’s conflicted over distancing herself from her family as they are racist towards her Chinese husband.
Image for illustration purposes only.
She wrote, “I feel like an *sshole because I distance myself from my own family because they’re racist towards my husband. But, I just can’t take it anymore.”
“I married a Chinese man. Before that, I dated him for 3 years. He converted to Islam a year after we dated. Although he’s a convert, he’s more knowledgeable about Islam than I am, until something I feel embarrassed with myself.”
Despite being handsome, career-driven and with no debts, the woman’s family dislikes him merely because he is of a different race.
“My mum always says behind my back to my siblings that she wishes I married a Malay man instead. Because she feels she’s ‘losing’ me. But, I don’t know what’s lost because it’s not like my husband forbids me from going back to my hometown or not allowing me to practice Malay culture.”
“Mind you, during Hari Raya, my husband is the most excited because he feels that the Eid vibe is lively. I dread Hari Raya every year because I cannot take hearing my family cursing my husband,” she explained.
Image for illustration purposes only.
There was also a time, during the Hari Raya season, where her family made racist remarks about food cooked by her husband’s mum.
“I cried once because my husband brought back Ketupat and Rendang that my mum-in-law made back to my hometown and do you know what my family said? ‘Is it Halal?’. And my sister even made a Rendang Babi (Pig) ‘joke’, and my entire family laughed except me.”
When her husband asked her why she was crying, she refused to tell him because she didn’t want to break his heart as he was really trying hard to win over her family.
Other reasons that have pushed her to distance herself from her family includes their comments about why the interracial couple have not had children yet, saying that it’s because her husband used to be a non-Muslim who drank alcohol and ate pork.
Image for illustration purposes only.
“My mum even once said that if I get pregnant, I must live with her. As well as even after I give birth because she does not feel confident with my husband.”
“But my husband himself said that, if I get pregnant, he will work from home so that he can take care of me. He even has a plan to take unpaid paternity leave after I give birth so that he can take care of me and the baby. He’s such a perfect man and I am thankful to have matched with him. I live a happy life with him. But that’s still not enough for my family. Just because he is Chinese,” she said.
Meanwhile, her husband’s family (her in-laws) have done everything they can to welcome her to their family, including by changing all their kitchenware to make sure things are Halal for her.
“They didn’t have to do all of that but they did it anyways. Me and my husband don’t always go back to my in-laws’ house but I feel touched that my in-laws would go that far to welcome me into their family. It’s very different compared to my family,” she explained, adding that she has since avoided heading back to her hometown for Hari Raya.
Feeling for her, many have since urged her to be brave in telling off her family and defending her husband.
“You have to speak out against your family, racism is unacceptable. And we who are raised as Muslim, Islam does not allow racism. You have to fight for justice, in this case, you and your husband’s justice. It is not fair for your family to behave like that. It’s cruel, sinful.”
“You have to speak to your family, you have to tell them what they’re doing is wrong. Ask them to respect him, defend him. If they still behave like that after telling them, then you can distance yourself.”
We’re genuinely happy for the woman for finding her match in someone as amazing her husband, and we genuinely hope she manages to find the solution to her problem.
What do you think the woman should do about her family? Do feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.
Also read: 2 Best Friends Discover That They’re Actually Siblings Adopted into Families of Different Races
