“Don’t give her advice” – M’sians Share Insights On How To Deal With Their Girlfriends’ Feelings

One of the things most commonly cited as being important in a relationship is effective communication.

However, many other things are just as essential but are less frequently mentioned.

One of them is listening skills and giving emotional validation.

“Don’t advise her.”

Recently, a Twitter user tweeted about what men should do when their girlfriends are venting.

“If your girlfriend is complaining and angry about something, join them. Don’t advise her. Do you want to get scolded or what?” she said.

“This is not the time for you to nag or give advice. Do you know how stressful it is to have someone nag you when you just want to vent your frustrations?”

Instead of immediately providing advice and solutions, as men tend to do, they should “join in” on the venting session.

This sentiment was echoed by a netizen who shared his personal experience.

“It is true. We men, we fix stuff. When we hear problems, our brains immediately create 1000 solutions,” he said, adding that after nine years of being in a relationship, he learned that it is very SIMPLE.

When the girl says, “I hate my boss!”, just agree and say, “Yes, your boss is annoying, inconsiderate and selfish.”

Validation ≠ Agreement

However, netizens in the replies quickly pointed out that ‘joining in’ on the venting session does not equate to an agreement.

“We may disagree with what our partners are complaining about and want to correct them, but hold it in and understand their feelings first.”

“When she has cooled down, try to speak slowly with her before giving solutions.”

“It is not about us joining in on the bashing party. It is about knowing how to listen and give validation to one’s situation, feelings, thoughts and opinions.”

Example 1: My boss scolds the staff every day. It’s so stressful.

Validation 1: Are you serious? If I were you, I would be stressed too.

Example 2: My mum is treating me so badly!

Validation 2: You must be really hurt to say that. What did she do to you?

The importance of validation

In addition to the ‘how’, some netizens also shared why emotional validation is crucial.

“It creates an environment where we feel heard and seen. Don’t dismiss or rush to find a solution. Acknowledge the emotion first,” said one netizen.

Another shared how it is vital to validate a woman’s feelings as people are more inclined to label them as dramatic.

“Often, (women’s) feelings are disregarded, labelled irrelevant and unworthy. Their feelings are justified, but because they are women, people are usually quick to say, ‘You are being dramatic’.

Although these insights and tips were shared in the context of a relationship, they can definitely be applied to friendships and familial relationships too!

Also read: Caring M’sian Husband Puts Up Notice At The Back of His Car For Wife That Just Had A C-Section